


LLAMA meets STETSON

by china_shop



Category: Fandom RPF, due South
Genre: Crack, Fic, Llamas, M/M, Mary Sue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-10-04
Updated: 2005-10-04
Packaged: 2017-10-13 00:22:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/130755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/china_shop/pseuds/china_shop
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There's no way the Locale Longitude Alignment Modifying Animatronic can compete with its RCMP-powered forcefield.</p>
            </blockquote>





	LLAMA meets STETSON

"So, you going to introduce me to this guy?" Mark asks Fraser as they promenade along the main deck.

"I'm not sure," Fraser answers. "He seems to have an oddly magnetic hold over people--and wolves."

"Ah, don't worry about me," Mark slaps him on the shoulder, his hand lingering longer than is strictly necessary. "I'm immune."

"Be that as it may--" Fraser stopped suddenly, and tilts his head up to look at the sky. A crease appears on his forehead. "Do you hear that?"

Mark listens hard. He can hear gulls and the ship's engine, and the rattle of a roulette wheel. "What?"

"If I'm not mistaken--"

"Which you never are."

"--there's a nefarious device aboard this ship." Fraser steps up to the railing and peers down at the bow of the cruiseliner ploughing through the deep blue sea. "I think someone is trying to meddle with the spacetime continuum."

"What are you talking about, Ben?" Mark's pretty sure Fraser's focusing his anxiety about his ex-partner on the world at large. Mark's counsellor, Trudi, would call it displacement, or maybe something with even more syllables. "You just need some sleep." Mark winks. "Here, come back to my cabin and I'll help you relax."

But Fraser shrugs him off. "No, don't you see? Somebody aboard this ship is trying to reverse the effects of timezones. I'm fairly sure they're trying to align longitude 174 East with 149 East."

"You're delusional, Ben. That's impossible. And why would anyone even try?"

"I don't know," Fraser admits. "But I'm going to find out."

   
***

   
"I think I know why the llama isn't working," I hiss, as Mark and Fraser approach.

"Why?" you ask. Albuquerque's been very well-behaved today. You pat her head and give her a carrot. She snorts disgustedly at the carrot and nibbles on your hair.

"It's the hat." I gesture inconspicuously at Fraser's head. "I think it generates a rule-binding vortex. There's no way the Locale Longitude Alignment Modifying Animatronic can compete with its RCMP-powered forcefield."

You look at me like I'm crazy. "What the hell are you talking about?"

I shuffle my feet and completely fail to look innocent. "Didn't I, uh, mention that the LLAMA is a, uh, an advanced scientific device--"

"No!" you exclaim.

"--designed to realign the geography of Australasia and get rid of our stupid timezone difference?"

"No," you repeat, more thoughtfully this time. "No, you didn't mention that at all. But it certainly explains a lot."

"Explains what?" asks Fraser, whose legendary bat-ears are apparently working overtime. "Excuse me, ma'ams, but I think your llama needs adjusting. She's humming."

"They do that," I intervene, having checked this on the internet during the LLAMA design phase, but it's too late. Fraser's grabbed Albuquerque by the head and is forcibly stopping her from chewing on his hat (again). She wilts in the Stetson's RDEs (Radiant Duty Emissions) and tries to back away.

"Aha!" Fraser says, triumphantly.

You try to distract him. "Who's your friend?"

"Ah. Mark Smithbauer, this is-- I'm sorry, I don't believe we've been properly introduced."


End file.
